Homes, Houses

You’re beautiful. You’re angelic. You’re not like other girls. How are you so perfect? How are you still single? I’m making you my girlfriend. I don’t know why guys stop talking to you. I’d love to read your blog. You’re amazing. You have a great body. You have amazing boobs. You’re cute. You’re a good woman. You’re different. You’re a redhead, awesome. I love your freckles – they’re sexy. I love your skin. Who wouldn’t want to date you? I’m not immature like most guys. I’m different. I’m not into hookups. I like you. I don’t want to stop talking to you. You’re so sexy. I’m not just going to stop talking to you out of nowhere. I’m definitely interested in you. I want to see where this can go. I don’t want to fuck this up. I like your mentality. I want that.

I’ve let many men into my home – perhaps too many. I have not only felt the physical weight of them, but the mental weight as well. Each and every one of them have all taken, even if the tiniest, a piece of me. It is a sad thing when you give and people take. We give to the wrong people, and they happily take. Will there be anything left for the right person? That is hard to say. Your body is your home. People walk in, and they walk out. They visit when there is vacancy. Sometimes their visits are 2 days, 2 weeks, or 2 years. Sometimes you welcome their visit – other times people walk in, unwelcome. Because of this, you’re more cautious and you leave the door locked. . .always. You have been fooled before. You have been conned into unlocking your door, even if it’s to peek your head out. But, it ends the same – they leave your house trashed. You let them stay there for free, you allow them to come and go as they please. They do not respect your rules, and they do not have manners. They have absolutely no regard for your home and what’s inside. They are not grateful, they are not worthy. They see your house as a place to crash for a while until a better offer presents itself. Your home is not where they want to be, it’s where they need to stay for the time being. However, you being you, that isn’t a concern. You gut out your walls to accommodate them, to make more room for them. You change your decor in a way that pleases them. You make your home as comfortable as possible for them to stay, because you have somehow convinced yourself that that is where they want to be. But, it doesn’t work. Sometimes they tell you that your house is not where they want to be anymore. Other times they will just leave without saying a word, so you’re left there wondering what was so wrong with your home? You start to think about your house. It isn’t the biggest, and it isn’t the smallest. It can be quaint, but also confusing. The wood is scuffed up, the paint is chipped. The hinges on some of the doors are loose. The stairs are creaky. The faucet leaks. The foundation is that of no other. It is not always sturdy, or precise. It is not immaculate, but it is your home. You have lived there for 23 years. But I will give you a piece of advice, darling: you cannot bring someone into your home thinking that they’ll repair the damages. They do not care to. Having them there only makes you feel better because someone has decided to stay in your house, despite the scuffed up wood; despite the chipped paint; despite the loose hinges; despite the creaky stairs; despite the leaky faucet; and despite the poor foundation. But it is only temporary. And once they leave, you are alone. So, what do you do? Buff out the scuffs; touch up the paint – possibly a new color; tighten up the hinges on the doors; insert the screws and threads to fix the creaks on the stairs; tighten up the pipes of the faucet; But your foundation is fine – it is you. And if you decide to let a man step inside, and he tells you the foundation is not as stable or secure as it should be, as other houses are – let him leave. You should be proud of the home you’ve built. You should be okay with living in your house alone first, before you let someone else stay there. Explore every room, every corner, every area. Appreciate the decorum. Know that your house is amazing. And once you are at peace in your home, with your home, only then should you unlock the door. Because soon enough, you’ll see; you’ll know what it feels like to have someone want to be at your house. And though it is quite possible that neither of you know why, your house is perfect to them, and it is, indeed, what they have been looking for – where they want to be. 



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