Counterpart

I’m sure she feels bad; she feels helpless. But she also knows that no matter how hard she tries, she gets nowhere. And at what point does one come to their senses? At what point does one see how valuable and beautiful they are? At what point does one see that there are others out there so different from the former, so willing to be there. She has not come to her senses yet, though. She is in a coma so far past the point of eternal slumber. Yet she’s fully aware and coherent. She just can’t move – she’s paralyzed. I asked her what it felt like, that one time when she fell in love. It was the worst and best time of my life. I had never hated nor loved someone so much. But I was miserable. I was so happy that I was miserable. I appreciated her honesty. I asked her what it felt like to be alone. It is the worst and best time of my life. I have never hated nor loved myself so much. I am so happy that I am miserable. I felt excruciatingly awful. She was living but she wasn’t alive. She wanted to help him so badly, but she got nowhere. She’s foolish. Doesn’t she know that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Who doesn’t care about you? She is creating a pattern – she’s forming a pathway for all the men who don’t see her. For the men that look at her but don’t see her. Silly girl. She will never be loved that way. 

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