You’ll Be Okay

So this might be a bit short depending, but I found out that one of my friends had kind of a mini breakdown the other day. Long story short, she realized just how shitty her last relationship was. I want to say that a lot of people come to that realization months and months after the fact. It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t feel bad or stupid. Love is literally blind, and there’s a reason why that’s such a cliche saying, people! Because it’s true. We oftentimes overlook the little things that were done to us in our relationship because we love them (gag), and we want to believe that everything they did and stood for was good – we were a partnership therefore you’re looking out for my best interest as well, right?
Oh no: that is so very wrong. If they’re the kind of ex boyfriend that most of my friends have had, they’ll put you down, look out for themselves, take you for granted, fuck you over, cheat on you, hit you once and then apologize for it and tell you he’ll change, the list goes on.
One of the big reasons why Kevin disliked Nick so much was because when me, him, and Dinorah went to go get our noses pierced, Nick was so against it. He told me it wouldn’t look good and some people can pull it off but I couldn’t and so on. So, after I got it done and we went to Walgreens to pick up Bactine, I remember sending him a picture and he said: ‘I’m sorry, I really tried to accept it and be okay with it. But when I was at the gym that was all I could think about. And now seeing that picture, I hate it. It makes you look like a different person and it’s not attractive whatsoever.’
You want to know the sad part? I’m not being over-dramatic. Want to know an even sadder part? I didn’t even have it in for 12 hours before going to his house and taking it out. I think at that point we had been together for about a year and a half. Now, let me just say, that when the person you love, your loving, trusting boyfriend, says that he can’t look at you the same anymore and how unattractive it is, how would that make you feel? I know it sure as fuck made me feel ugly and unwanted and like I made a huge mistake. Now, it is perfectly okay with your significant other to disagree with you or not like everything that you do. However, there is definitely a way to go about it. Something like: ‘You know what, it’s your body, you do whatever you want to do.’ And actually mean it and not say it condescendingly or passive aggressively.
After the situation I told him that he was being a fucking asshole and that he could’ve gone about it a totally different way. He agreed and apologized, but it was after I took it out. My point to that lovely blast from the past is that looking back on it, it’s funny because if someone I was with for a fucking year and a half told me how ugly I’d look if I did this or how it’ll change their perception of me if I did that, I would be like LOL BYE. And I totally get that when you’re in that situation sometimes you think differently. Plus you love this person and you think they make you happy. But at the end of the day, we have to consciously be aware that, if we’re meant to spend the rest of our life with this person, do you really think that’s how they’d act? And if they did, would you want to marry that?
When that relationship ends, there comes a point of realization when you’re like…’what the fuck’. That is not how love is supposed to be. Those little things were kind of big things, it turns out. We question why we didn’t see it sooner, but we can’t blame ourselves. Now we’re out of that situation, and we move forward. We’re thankful that we went through that because now we know what to not have in our next relationship: we’ll be a little smarter. You’ll be okay, though. Don’t blame yourself. Go through a stage where you blame him if you have to, but just know that when the time comes for you to move on with your life, you won’t blame anyone. It’ll just be a lesson: that one time you mistook a lesson for a soulmate.

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