How Much Time

Timing really is everything: we either have too much of it, too little of it, or just don’t know what the fuck to do with it so we sit there on our phones either taking a shit while snap chatting ugly faces of ourselves to our best friends, or laying naked on the bed after showering scrolling through Facebook, seeing all these girls from grammar school and high school that are engaged, married, or pregnant.

So, how much time does it take to get over someone you were in love with? People move on really fucking fast and sometimes it’s sad but on the other hand, it’s how the world works. I know someone that was engaged to be engaged and she and her boyfriend were together for 2 years. After they broke up, like a month or two later she started talking to her current boyfriend of whom she couldn’t be happier with. I know someone else that never took too much time to herself and moved on fast just for the sake of not being alone. She’ll admit it to this day, but only to me. She’s with someone she is crazy in love with now, but before him was her ex boyfriend, who was the biggest fucking asshole in the entire world. He was such a piece of shit. But she’d find herself missing him or thinking about him when trying to date other guys. And then I know someone else who’s been single for a few years. They’re still coping with moving on from their ex. Sometimes it only takes a month, sometimes it takes 5 years.

It is my personal belief that seeing someone after they’ve gotten out of a relationship, or vice versa, can be tricky. You don’t want to be a rebound in any way, or like, someone who wins by default, type thing. The time it took me to ‘move on’ after Nick and I broke up was about 8 months. The second time around, it took 6 months. But I question whether or not I was really over him the first time then. So maybe in total, 15 months or so? Ew. How pathetic. I’ve met guys that were still hung up on their ex, or ex fling, so they try to fill a void, literally and metaphorically. One of my guy friends dated his ex for a few months. She broke his heart when she gave him the oh-so-classic: I can’t be with you; you’re too good for me; you deserve better. He’s tried quite a few different dating websites and apps, but it doesn’t really matter anyway, because he subconsciously looks for his ex girlfriend in other girls and compares. Yes, when guys do that, when anyone does that, we’re quick to call them a selfish asshole. But even though the brain may want to move on and find someone even better like it knows you deserve, the heart longs for what it once felt with that specific person and fears that it won’t happen again.  There is no set rule on how much time it takes to get over someone that was an important factor in your life. Sometimes we wish there was, but then we’d never really learn anything, would we? That’s a whole part of the breakup process if you’re like most girls, myself included: talk to guys to make yourself feel better, trick yourself into liking them and actually believing you can have some type of future relationship with them (Lmao, okay), possibly sleep with them once, regret it, cry about how much you miss him, cry some more, watch sex and the city, cry again, and then whatever else happens in between and after those. I remember asking different people that I knew that went through breakups with a long term significant other. Every answer was different, of course. And it really ate at me that I had no idea when I’d stop feeling that way. It physically and mentally ate at me. I could never just accept that it takes time. I wanted to rush through the process. Of course now I’m glad that happened and took the time it did because I learned a lot about myself, the people around me, and the relationship that I was in. And thinking about how I felt at the time, I remember every emotion. And now it’s kind of funny because I really thought my world was ending and I would never get through it. But you go through different stages and phases, until you feel nothing for that person anymore, aside from knowing that you shared something, and it was great for what it was, and that’s it. You’re not indebted to showing them any form of gratitude for the rest of your life. For what?

Time is an important measure of life, yet can be so very volatile. We meet people during times of our lives (ew that sounds like a soap opera) for a reason. Sometimes we know that reason right away and sometimes we find out later. Just be sure to spend your time wisely with the right people. 

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