Don’t Compete. 

It has weighed on my mind more or less with situations that have come up in life in general recently and the situations that people tell me. Even things that I’ve experienced in the past. This isn’t limited to me speaking to a female audience; this could be for the male audience as well. Here’s a life lesson that shouldn’t take you too long to figure out: when it comes to relationships, don’t you dare ever fucking compete with someone. Ever. Okay. You’re with your boyfriend, right? You’re jealous of a girl. You think she’s prettier, skinnier, everything-er. You think that he’ll probably leave you for her or someone like her. I will tell you right now, that that shit will literally eat you from the inside out. It will brew from the depths of your soul and work its way out into the universe until you have successfully sabotaged yourself and your relationship. He’s with you for a reason, isn’t he? If he cheats on you, well fuck. But you pick yourself up and move on.
Different scenario: You meet a guy that you find attractive and intellectually stimulating. You’re not talking yet, you’ve only hung out once or twice. But it is so blatantly obvious that he’s not over his ex girlfriend or the last fling that he had. I’m talking. . .brings her up in any way that he can type of thing, compares his ideal woman to her because it is her. Of course you’re going to question whether or not you’re the problem and whether or not you’re desirable. How could you possibly compete with someone who wasn’t over someone else? You fucking can’t. So why try? Just don’t fucking do it.
This isn’t just limited to men comparing women. Girls do the same exact thing; of course I would know because I fucking did it forever. There have been guys that I’ve talked to that I wanted to believe I was interested in, but at the end of the day, I was really thinking about Nick. There have been guys that I’ve gone out with once or twice and then have told them that I apologize, but I wasn’t over my ex boyfriend. It’s not fair to compare other guys to him. And it’s taken a very, very, very long time to come to terms with everything and be okay and finally move on with my life. You can’t compare two different guys. You shouldn’t compare anyone to anyone. It’s hard, I know. But once you realize that what you had with someone really wasn’t as great as you thought it was, and that your current self now wouldn’t even want that person, it’s a lot easier.
This wasn’t supposed to be a post about comparing, it’s supposed to be about competing, or, more accurately, not competing. As girls, we all want to be prettier than someone’s ex girlfriend. But we also want to be prettier than their new girlfriend. How does that work? One of my best friends used to stalk her boyfriend’s ex girlfriend when they first got together. She thought she had to compete with her in a sense. She’d say: Colleen, but she has an ass. And a body.
To which I’d reply: okay but you’re skinny//fit, and your butt is super nice and your boobs look amazing without a bra.
I’m not too sure what went through her boyfriend’s mind. I wonder if anything goes through guys’ minds when it comes to exes and new people and their looks and or personalities. As girls, even the most baddest of bad bitches, we get insecure when it comes to certain things, and one of those things pertains to guys and their old relationships. What if she’s prettier than you? Okay she’s cute but you’re pretty but her body is better. Okay she has a nice ass but you have nice boobs. Did she turn him on more? Do you turn him on more? Does he think about her? Does he wish it was her he was sleeping with? It just really never fucking stops. That’s a lie; it eventually stops. Okay this post kind of got off topic. The point is, for anyone, if you sense that someone compares you subconsciously or blatantly to any ex fling of theirs, don’t even waste your time. Sure, talk to them about it because maybe you’re just being irrational. But also don’t ignore your gut. And if someone is making you feel insecure because they talk about their ex too much, don’t waste your time. Don’t compete with someone who you’ve not only never met, but let’s be honest, has one up on you just because they got to where you eventually want to be. But then of course you see people all the time in happy, new relationships and you wonder if they’ve faced the same struggles. And then it crosses your mind that of course they haven’t! Something is just wrong with you to where you will literally never be good enough for anyone. HOWEVER, don’t think that. Do not get that twisted with: you will literally never be good enough for someone who can’t get over their ex. Because like it or not, it’s true. But honey, that is not your problem and it has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with them.

It also just came to my attention that I must sound so completely and utterly hypocritical, because in most things that I write about, I never fail to mention my ex boyfriend. But in my defense, it is my writing. And I’m either expressing something or explaining something. I’m not going to deny that it was a huge part of my young adult life. No one should deny any relationship that was important and meaningful to them at some point. But it’s not like I reminisce on our relationship and pine over it, nor do I think about him when I’m having sex, and why would I want to? Especially if I find the person I’m having sex with to be incredibly attractive just because they’re them.

Anyway, I’ll end with this: someone will always be better than you in every aspect. Guys have literally told me that I wasn’t skinny enough for them before. Guys have literally told my best friend that she was too skinny for them before. Girls have told my guy best friend that he was too nice for them before. Girls have told my other guy friend that he was too much of an asshole for them before. See, nobody wins! Yay. And, it also helps to do yourself and the person you’re talking to a favor and have your emotions in check before you start something. You want a new relationship with someone? You have to be over your old one. We’ve all fucked with peoples’ emotions before. Sometimes maliciously, sometimes totally accidental. We’re getting too old for that shit, though. And if someone isn’t making you feel like you’re worth their time and worth getting to know, make it easier on the both of you: leave.


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