What the Fuck Are the Rules?!

Will someone please be so kind as to tell me what the fuck the rules of  relationships, sex, and dating are? That was rhetorical; don’t answer that. But seriously, think about it: when it comes to sex for example, what is your take on the situation? Almost every single person has their own type of rule with their own reasoning behind it. Half the time we don’t even realize it. Thinking about my ‘rule’ on sex, I get confused. It’s like, okay Colleen, what the fuck. Obviously you want to have sex with this person, but what happens if you do it too soon? Will they never see you as a potential respectable girlfriend? Do you wait 3 months? That sounds painful and boring. Do you wait until you feel more comfortable? Like, mentally going through the list of all the guys I’ve talked to but haven’t had actual sex with, it must be really funny to them. Because I fucking confuse myself. I’m all,
“Well, I think we could maybe potentially be in a relationship, and I like what I know about you, and I’ve already given you a blowjob, but I want to wait to have sex with you because it’s supposed to be really special and I want to know that if we have sex now, then we’ll end up being in a relationship.”
Okay but let’s examine this like for real; we will start with the sex aspect: say I’ve been talking to a guy for like 2 weeks. I give him a blowjob. I tell my mom and she’s like, ‘Colleen…. *long pause* just make sure you’re smart about it. If you do stuff like that too early, then what will be the point of them wanting to date you if you already gave it up?’
Okay, fair enough mom. And some of my best friends say the same. Although they’re super supportive of me hooking up with people, they know I’m not that type of person. So, to them, if I hookup with someone I like and could potentially want to date for real some day in the near future, their concern is that said person won’t take me seriously now.
These are all very fair and valid statements//worries. But then I go back and forth and think: Well, how much should you really know about a person before you hook up with them? Is there a certain time frame? Is there a certain emotional connection that has to be prevalent? Is he supposed to meet my mom before I blow him? Are we supposed to talk about our bank accounts? After we sign the lease for our first apartment together, THEN can I touch his dick?!
When does it stop?
I really don’t understand my own ‘rules’ and reasoning. To myself, I’m not a very -go with the flow- type of person. I think way too much about every fucking thing. For most people, if it feels right, go for it, but be smart about it and wear a fucking condom. There’s still not a cure for AIDS yet, people!

And then…when it comes to dating, although sometimes sex and dating go hand in hand, there’s a whole new set of rules. It’s fucking exhausting. Like, okay: I had a conversation with one of my best friends and their take on it was: if you don’t know whether or not you like him yet after like two weeks, then you probably don’t like him. My rebuttal was that sometimes it takes longer than that. Especially if you don’t have much to compare it to. I also reminded her:
When Nick and I first started talking, for the very first time in the beginning of senior year, yeah, sure, I liked him and thought he was cute. But I felt like I pushed myself to be in an official relationship with him when I wasn’t even comfortable yet. Did I really like this kid? It made me sad. And then I thought he wasn’t that cute anymore, and it annoyed me how he pronounced his ‘TH’s’ as ‘F’s’. And after the 4th day, I was like okay no. And it’s funny because back then I think he was so infatuated and enamored by me, more so than when we were together. Anyway. So we stopped talking for like 2 months. And then I realized that I still kinda liked him and that’s when we started hanging out as friends who liked each other all the time and it took like 3 months for me to want to become his official girlfriend.
The moral of that story is that I’m fucking weird. And Nick annoyed me when we dated for the very first time. And I was super unsure about it. Even after we got closer and knew that we liked each other like that. So I ask myself if I’d get myself into a similar situation again. But, this is adulthood, things are different and sometimes the rules are harder.
You know how girls will live by that cliche Marilyn Monroe quote that goes something like: “If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best.” I think it applies to every human. For me in particular, I honestly think that there has to be a certain type of male that can handle me. I won’t say ‘deal with me’ anymore because I stopped that shit after my relationship. No one should ever have to ‘deal with’ their significant other. I’m a very complicated, frustrating, infuriating, confusing, person. I mean, I also have great qualities but yeah. I know that someday, eventually, there will be a guy that thinks all of those qualities are real and true, but adorable as fuck because he’ll like me that much.

I guess when it comes to the rules on love, sex, and relationships, we make up our own. It’s hard not to get caught up in what people have to say or think and what society might deem as what’s appropriate or not. I guess the only important rule that you should stick to is to do what you think is best for you and what feels right for you.


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