Try to Live

It’s very easy to get caught up in every day things: friendships, relationships, school, work, etc. And especially with the holidays upon us, you really reevaluate your life and decipher what has happened within the past year, who you’re lucky to have, what you’ve accomplished, and so on. I thought last Christmas would be devastating because it was the first one in like 3 years where I’ve been single (I thought every holiday would be devastating). But looking back on it, it was great. The end of 2014 was amazing, actually. Not gonna lie, though, I haven’t really been a fan of 2015. And I never really look at ‘years’ like that. But 2015 has just been blah. That’s it. I’m glad it was the year where I accomplished more than I thought I could with work and school (hopefully), but that’s about it. The point of this post is to just talk about doing things for yourself. I’ve talked about it before. But it’s so important. If something or someone isn’t making you feel a good feeling, why continue your life with them in it, in a sense? 

I just want to live my life right now. I don’t want to be in a relationship at the moment or have to answer to someone or make someone feel better all the time. I’m trying to make myself feel better! And I don’t consider myself to be a selfish person. But I feel like right now I have to be. 

I’ve been talking to a great guy: he’s amazing. However, I find myself going back and forth on the situation because I don’t know what I want. Yeah, I like him. But I’m weird. I think I’d rather be by myself right now. Focus on my friends and myself. Because I see myself repeating the same habits that I used to do in my last relationship. Also, I’m so insecure, so this makes me a hypocrite. I now know how it feels when someone is worried about whether or not you’re still interested in them. And they tell you and ask you. And it’s like, yeah, I still am. But stop fucking asking because it’s a turn off. Girls are weird. 

That part in this post is slightly irrelevant because I told that guy that I wasn’t really feeling it, and he was great but I have to do what’s best for me. And to be honest, I was a bit iffy about it from the beginning because I feel like he blew things out of proportion a lot of the time. Like, da fuck? I don’t need that. Anyway, so I told him, and he didn’t take it well. He got really down on himself and then said I ruined his whole day and then proceeded to tell me that what he felt now was worse than with his ex girlfriend. He told me he hated me. And he said that I’m basically gonna be a slut in Arizona anyway. He told me like… These things and yeah they might have been out of anger but damn. Can you imagine if we were in an actual relationship? I’m not fucking with that shit. He was way too overdramatic. We were only talking for a month and a half! We were NEVER official. 

So yeah. I don’t do casual, hookup things. But, perhaps I’ll try that. I can’t comfort someone and be with them if I’m trying to comfort myself. And, ladies, let me tell you: if you find yourself questioning things about someone you’re talking to, or just have a weird gut feeling, cut it off. It’s not worth your time. Guys should do the same. And remember, NEVER SETTLE FOR MEDIOCRE DICK! 

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