So. This will probably be awkward because he reads my blog, but that’s okay, I’ve warned him about this months ago.
There was this guy that I really fucking liked. As in… The first guy since Nick that I would’ve loved to date. And I thought he liked me.
The only thing ‘different’ about him, I would say, is that he wants to be a pastor. There’s nothing wrong with that; I found it refreshing because he was so wholesome. However, I often asked him how he didn’t think I was the spawn of satan. He’d laugh and say I wasn’t bad, but still, you could imagine that to be a very interesting relationship if that were to ever happen.
So, I talked to him today just to see how he was doing. I asked him if there was anyone he was interested in, you know, that whole thing. And there was. Of course I was like oh that’s great, I’m happy for you. Because he really is such an amazing guy. He’s a sweetheart. And he’s so fucking cute. And his personality is just awesome. So naturally he deserves a really amazing girl.
I don’t think him and me could’ve ever been a thing, not only because he lives so far away, but also there was the issue of him moving next fall for seminary, out of state. So of course he couldn’t date me. He’s a great person. He really is. I’m not gunna lie though, of course I’m somewhat bitter over the fact that someone I liked didn’t really see a relationship working out with me for that reason, but they’ve met someone else for that to be worth it? Does that make sense? And it just makes me feel, like the girl that guys will never truly want to be with. The girl who is just there for convinence and possible blow jobs. As much as I liked him, I don’t think he would’ve ever wanted to date me. I was probably too much. As in not exactly who a future pastor would want to date. Which I’m not even sure if that was an issue. The point I’m trying to make is…. I feel like fucking chuck in good luck chuck.
Who wants to date me? Apparently I’m not someone a guy wants to date. It’s just depressing. Do I come off as slutty where guys think I’m only good for one thing? Am I not dateable? It’s probably my own fault, for coming off the way I do. But sometimes you just get those moments where it’s like no matter what you do, there will always be someone better than you. In all aspects. Always. And knowing that, it’s like… What’s the point? Sure a guy will like me… But he’ll eventually find someone better.
It’s just one of those weeks.