I Don’t Get It

Before I was ever in a relationship, the saying: you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you, or however the fuck it goes, didn’t hold any significance to my life.
When I got into a relationship, it became more apparent that it was bullshit. I barely liked myself, but he loved me. And then after a year or two, I realized there was some truth to it. Your significant other can love you all they want; they can love every inch of you. But that doesn’t matter if you don’t love yourself. You subconsciously make it hard for them to keep loving you: you talk yourself down, you push them away unknowingly, you point out your flaws. It’s just awful. Yet they keep trucking through it – they’re ‘in love’. But somehow you can’t accept that, right? It’s that hard to accept that another human being loves you, and not because they have to or because they’re stuck with you. They love you willingly. There’s something about YOU specifically. Yet you can’t get your pretty little fucked up mind around it, can you?
Anyway. It’s all just a really fucked up vicious cycle. I would never be as mean and cruel to someone as I am to myself. And all of this will just pour over into the next relationship I’m in. And I’m just almost convinced that no one will be able to handle it. No one should have to ‘put up’ or ‘deal with’ anyone. Especially a boyfriend or girlfriend. What the fuck is the point? Fuck that shit. Apparently I make it hard on myself and everyone else to love me.

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2 thoughts on “I Don’t Get It

  1. ❤️Colleen, I love you no matter what. You are a beautiful, thoughtful, smart, kind and interesting girl. If you were none of those I would still love you. I know of many others who feel the same way. You will always be loved so very much ❤️❤️❤️😘

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