Sex vs. Relationship

So, this is a legitimate thought, question, whatever the fuck. Especially if you’re a guy reading this. I guess it depends on your preferences and what you’re looking for at that certain point in time in your life. But when it comes down to it, if given the option between easy to get, casual, meaningless sex, OR dating a girl who doesn’t care to have sex right away, because she is like me and wants it to mean something, which one do you choose? I can’t blame guys for picking sex over a relationship, not even a relationship though. Over… I don’t know. Feelings? Because in all honesty if I had a dick, I’d probably do the same thing. I’d try and get as much head as I could by a ton of different bitches.
At what point does this stop being humorous, and just becomes sad? No offense to all you straight males out there. But you’re like all the fucking same. What’s the point of even talking to you if we’re not trying to fuck?
So I’ve pretty much written or made reference to any guy I’ve talked to after Nick and I have broken up. Each of them ending disastrously, humorously, or both. See. What happens with me and guys is this: they stop talking to me.
Let’s see. The first occurrence of this ever happening was with this kid Jamie when I was 17. Before I even met Nick. Jamie lives in Wisconsin, and Him and I actually talk and will hang out if I’m up there now. But it wasn’t always like that. I really liked him in like the summer of 2010. And he led me on, and then just totally ignored me. And I hate not having closure. It’s something that I still have problems coming to terms with. But I figured every girl has a guy that that happens with. Someone she realllllllly fucking liked and he just stopped talking to her out of nowhere. Unanswered. Uncalled for. I thought he was so hot. I don’t know why. I look at him now and I’m like really Colleen. Anyway. Yeah. So I liked him even going into senior year of high school. And still liked him until like February.
And then I met Nick. This, at the time, amazing guy.
I was always the ‘less hot’ friend. All my friends were skinny and pretty. And confident. It’s kinda the same even now. Like no lie.
Anyway. The whole point of this heartbreak experience is to ‘find myself’ and figure out how to love ‘me’. But… I’m doing the same shit I’ve always done. I mean… You can’t hope for a person to try and fix you. The best you can do is hope they love you. Kay I’m getting off topic. I need to get back to the fucking pointless point that I first had in my head. Anyway. Pretty much every guy that I’ve ‘talked’ to or whatever after Nick, has stopped talking to me. There was this one guy named Matt, and we were talking for a couple weeks. Then he saw a snap chat of my friend at the time, and he’s like: “Damn…Hook it up. Lol, jk.” Motherfucker wasn’t ‘jk-ing’. I’m not stupid. Guys literally think girls are so dumb. We’re really not, though. So he stopped talking to after that. Then there was this other guy who was really insecure about his penis. Me and him didn’t do anything, we just made out once. And he got a boner and he was wearing sweatpants but I think he was embarrassed because… I couldn’t even tell he had a boner… and he was wearing sweatpants. For me personally, as long as I gag when I’m deep throating you, you’re big enough for me. But I never even saw it in person. And then we talked less and less, and he gave the whole ‘I’m just busy with work.’ Guys, let me let you in on why girls think the way we do: there are very few occurrences where you go from talking to us 24/7 for weeks, doing the same exact routine, and then it dwindles down. And each time we bring it up, it’s “oh I’m just busy”. Okay, okay. That’s fine, we’ll let you have that. But then you say it again, and again, and a-fucking-gain. There are very few instances where you actually are very busy and there’s a change in your routine. Anyway, I think he has a girlfriend now, so good for him. Then there was this guy who I really liked because he was extremely fucking funny. We talked for a month, but he kept blowing me off and shit so I was like aright dude this isn’t gunna work. I told him we should probably stop talking, plus he lived far away. Hadn’t heard from him in two months, and then he texts me out of nowhere saying that he missed talking to me and how he moved closer and everything. Don’t get me wrong, I was extremely flattered, but I wasn’t expecting anything. We had made plans, and yet again, he blew me off. Like really? Why waste your fucking time? And then after him there was this other guy I really liked, but… you all know what happened with that. I don’t quite fully understand the mentality. Is it me? How could a girl not think otherwise? Sigh. And it’s painfully humorous how they all say the EXACT same thing. Not exact, but somewhere along these lines: ‘How are you single?’ ‘Oh… that guy stopped talking to you? Wow what an asshole he’s so dumb’ But then it’s like mother fucker you did the same thing! Get the fuck outta here. Don’t get me wrong, I am EXTREMELY flattered to hear how pretty I am and how much different I am from other girls. But… does that really mean shit when you stop talking to me because ‘you’re busy with work’ or, ‘school is really hectic’? Yeah. Okay. But… just a few weeks ago you were telling me how you don’t care how busy you are, if you like a girl you’ll find time to see her and talk to her. Lol. Damn. Okay. We don’t forget this shit, guys. Just so you know. You probably forget that you told us, but we’re not fucking stupid. We can tell a lot of things. Yeah, sometimes I’ll admit it’s in our heads. Especially if you’re as fucked up as me, then it’s exaggerated. But we can tell if a guy acts differently: when you’re distant, when you don’t really want to talk to us, the list just goes on. Just fucking tell us, though, Jesus.
I’m not even gunna lie right now, though. I’m a hypocrite sometimes. I feel like we all are once in a while. But when it comes to someone I like and am interested, I’ll always be straight up. When Nick and I first dated ever in the beginning of our senior year, and I broke up with him after like 4 days, I told him I wasn’t really that attracted to him anymore and that I still liked this other guy (Jamie). It’s kinda funny because I actually think Nick was more infatuated with me then than he was after being with me for three years. Makes me wonder if I took a toll on him. Probably.
Coming back to my main focal point, which was, do guys really want to always put in the work to be with you? Or do they want to do the least amount of work to be inside you? If a guy is like…damn this girl is amazing! But… I can totally have sex with this other girl because it’s right there…hm. Decisions, decisions. Is that their mentality? It can’t be their mentality ALL the time… can it? Oh God. Then girls like me are fucked…not literally. What a shame. It’s like this weird thing where guys won’t always take a girl seriously if she hooks up with him right away, but at the same time, it’s what they want. I don’t get it. I feel like there’s a lot more to say, but I’m gunna stop here because this post has been in my drafts since Wednesday.

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