Sex and a Girl

Do you know how you can tell whether or not you like someone and or have a crush on them? When you’re upset when you get a text, and it’s not the one person you want it to be. And when they do text you, you get kind of excited and don’t want to reply right away because obviously you don’t want to seem desperate. I have met a lot of guys in the past 6 months. God, that makes me sound like a whore…that’s not what I meant. What I meant was in terms of going out, having fun, and meeting new people. However, I’m not the ‘hookup’ type. Well, I guess it depends on what someone means by ‘hookup’. My best friend thinks of it as fucking, whereas if I were to say, ‘oh yeah, we hooked up’, that would probably only entail making out. I know, I know. How fucking lame…blah, blah, fucking blah. I am not a prude. I am a very sexual person…when I’m in a relationship. Or when I’m into someone. Having had sex with only one person, it’s kind of… I don’t know. I’m 21, I should be fucking random guys, right? Maybe some girls can, but that’s not me. And even though sometimes I’d love to be able to do that, I’d be so fucking annoying as a one night stand. Like, let’s be honest here: the guy would probably be trying to take my pants off and I just wouldn’t shut the fuck up about everything I think and whatever, and by then he’d be like alright fuck this, not literally. I am incapable have having meaningless, emotionless sex. To some people, that’s the best kind of sex. And, hey, if you can do that, good for you! Do me a favor if you’re like that, have a bunch of sex for me, kay? Thanks! And no, that’s not sarcasm. Continuing on, I feel like some guys I’ve told that to make it their personal mission to get me to fuck them, while others are more sweet about it. But that’s with anyone in any situation – you’re always going to get different responses. It’s not like the second person you have sex with has to be the love of your life, I completely get that. And one of my best friends told me it’s not like the second time is going to be anything special. It’s not like I’m losing my virginity. So why am I treating it like it is? Personally, I feel like whomever I sleep with next, I’ll end up liking them that much more, which raises a shit ton of other questions that go on in my pretty little fucked up head. What if I end up liking them more than they like me? What if they never want to talk to me again after? I mean, yeah it’s a life lesson, but your dick was in my fucking vagina…a place where only one other dick was. A place that not many people have been. I’m fucking treating that shit like it’s fucking secret hidden fortress or some shit. Like what makes my vagina that special? There is someone that I like. And of course I’d love to have sex with him. And whether something happens sexually or relationship wise, no time will ever be the ‘perfect time’ to do it. Then again, I remember losing my virginity. I wanted to wait until I was 18 and we were both graduated, and I also wanted to make sure that we met each other’s parents. Not for any particular reason, but just my own things that I wanted to have happen. So, less than a month after we graduated and I turned 18, we had sex, but even though I already knew that this was the guy I wanted to lose my virginity to and have us lose it together, I was still hesitant. Not sure why. I mean, no time is the perfect time. No time is the ‘right’ time. Just whatever feels comfortable for you. Maybe it’s easier having a dick and contemplating this. Being a girl sucks sometimes. I just have no idea how I’ll feel after. I know some of you are probably like bitch shut the fuck up, please shut the fuck up and have sex already. In some ways it’s really not that big of a deal. And in other ways, it is. Okay I’m literally annoying the fuck out of myself. This is different. I’m not saying I have to meet someone’s parents before we have sex or be in a relationship with them. That’s kind of  a lot of work…and let’s be honest, that doesn’t really happen anyway. And it’s like I literally have nothing to lose…I already lost my virginity. What else is there? My dignity? My pride? My morality? My sense of self? What the fuck? I think way too fucking much.


3 thoughts on “Sex and a Girl

  1. Haha, I swear…I feel like I’m the one typing this. Lol, take pride in the fact that you’re not a hoe. I lost mine to a guy when I was 19 after only a few weeks of being with him. We did date for almost two years though, and at one point I thought I was going to marry the guy. I don’t know why I was so willing to lose it…maybe because I was naive and I was finally out of that awkward high school stage (I was average, I guess you could say) and so I just took to the first guy that showed interest. I ended up dating him for a while because I thought I loved him. And really, I think I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to get anyone else. Stupid me, but I was younger and didn’t really understand the meaning of a relationship. I feel shitty about it. But hey, life goes on. After that, I kind of went through this stage when I didn’t care if we were dating…I just slept with the guy if I really liked him. By the way, I know that makes me sound like a whore, but I’m not…I swear. I can count on ONE hand how many people I’ve been with. But to me, I feel like a slut…even though none of those guys were ever just one night stands. We actually liked each other…but now most of time…I regret ever “hooking up” with them. That’s shitty but it’s true. I tried to do the friends with benefits thing..that didn’t work. Lol.

    Anyways sorry I totally just fucking rambled. I think it’s good that you value sex. You don’t meet a whole lot of girls who do value sex anymore. I didn’t at one point…and I regret it now. I was looking for attention from the someone of the opposite sex, and I ended up forgetting who I was (even if it was a very, very small number) It just wasn’t the type of person I was. Don’t be afraid to live a little, but don’t lose yourself. 😉

    • Hahaha don’t ever worry about ‘rambling’, I don’t mind; I love your input!
      Its just become more clear to me that I’m not 18 anymore, and this is like, adult life… With adult sex haha. But yeah. Some guys appreciate the little morals that I do still have. Others are like oh sorry, I just wanna fuck. So whenever I meet a guy I’m interested in, I tell them whats up right away. I’m very, very blunt lol.

      • Ha, thank you. And thats good. At least you let them know! Yeah, I can be pretty blunt sometimes too. lmao.

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