What I’ve Been Thinking…

So, I know this is getting super fucking annoying, but I know it’s an issue that comes up a lot – especially in my entries. Anyway. So you know how I’ve mentioned OVER and OVER again about body image and worrying about it and worrying about finding someone who will like it let alone love it? And I’m just kind of thinking, like, if a guy you’re interested in doesn’t like your body or doesn’t think you’re ‘hot enough’ for him, why the fuck would you want to be with him anyway? Same goes for guys who are struggling with the same issues and worrying if a girl will think they’re cute or whatever the case. Because, let’s be honest, I can say as a girl, we can be cunts sometimes. Especially if it’s the kind of stereotypical girl that I hate. Especially after watching videos on people commenting on Lena Dunham’s body. I fucking love her and wish I could be as comfortable as she is. She gives no fucks, and I love that. There was this guy who said she was disgusting and how it wasn’t fair that she’s the only one in the show who’s naked most of the time and how he’d rather see the other girls naked because they’re not ‘fat and disgusting’. His words. And, to be honest, she’s not fat. And let’s be honest again, her boyfriend is super skinny and hot as fuck. So. There you go. And I feel like I blame this all on guys. That’s not my intention. I’m not a 40 year old woman who hates men and overzealously pets her pet ferret. I don’t know.
It’s just like, hearing guys say that literally makes me want to not eat for 3 years. Except drink water and have the occasional diet coke. But then I think, well, every guy has their own preference and is entitled to it. And that’s just the kind of guy I’ll never be with, nor want to be with. One of my best friends is so insecure now because of her dumbass piece of shit ex boyfriend. I’ve never disliked someone so much in my life. He would check out girls in front of her, and ask her why she couldn’t be ‘thicker’ like them. And she’s fit and skinny! She’s petite! That’s just her body and it’s great. But he wanted these bitches that looked like they belonged in a Sean Paul music video. Seriously, guys. I’m not exaggerating. He would ask her why she wasn’t like them. He is just… there’s no word in the English language that is equivalent. The worst thing you can call someone, he’s worse than that.
Luckily she’s found someone who realizes how lucky he is to have her and he makes her feel amazing. She deserves that. But she’s still insecure sometimes. And she never was.
I was very fortunate to have someone love me even though I couldn’t. To have someone praise how I looked. And I hope I’ll be able to find that again. But I’d like to find it in myself first. Anyway. I’ve only had three hours of sleep so this is another pointless rant. But, like, am I right? There will always, always, always be someone who will find something wrong with you. Here’s a simple solution: be with someone who doesn’t think anything is wrong with you – who thinks you’re perfect, even though nothing or no one is. But you know what I mean.
Sorry this seems to be the only thing I’ve written about. But I feel like it should be know.


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