On Dating

So, I’ve forgotten what it was like to be interested in someone or have a crush on them. That shit hadn’t happened in like four years. I forgot that the universe pretty much works against you and has someone text you that you haven’t talked to in like five years, and you think it’s the one person you actually want to text you, but wait, it’s not! Like, what? Fucking universe. I’ve had a lot of conversations about relationships in general lately with different types of people. It’s pretty interesting, actually, to talk about love and not just ask if someone is circumcised or not. So, ‘love’, for other people, is something I’ve always been optimistic about. When it came to myself, I was never hopeful. Then, I met the love of my life and that changed. He is no longer the love of my life, I am, because I think I’m pretty important when it comes to, oh, I don’t know, my life. And I was super negative about it. Like, the things people tell me that they do for special occasions, I’m just like well isn’t that a normal thing to do randomly? It’s like the whole bull shit thing where some girls only give guys head on special occasions. Like who wants to live that life? Fuck. But yeah. Unfortunately, there was a bar that was established since it was my first real relationship. But now I know what I want out of any other one that I would so happen to get into. And I know what I’d want to do for that person. I also know that there’s no fucking way I would change myself or how I talk for someone else. I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that my friends and I aren’t normal – in a good way. And I pride myself on that. Some guys will like it, some will fucking hate it, and others will probably try to perform an exorcism or some shit. But the right person will appreciate it. And just think I’m so awesome and amazing and pretty, because that’s really what every girl wants. That and pizza. And a stuffed animal every now and then. It’s really not that complicated.
There was someone that I was interested in, but he never made an effort to see me, and just expected me to put in all the work. Like, no, sorry. I’ve been through that shit with my best friends when they’ve been in that position with a guy. Why the fuck would I put myself in that situation when I know what I deserve? Like that’s dumb.
I’m also really weird because I feel like ‘dating’ someone, like, going on dates with them is so much pressure. Who the fuck wants to get to know someone over mini golf? But that’s me personally and I’m extremely not normal in that sense and not too conventional either, but I’ve learned to live with it.


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