I Was Okay

It’s been almost three months. There are these long periods of time where I’m okay, and I know that I can get through it. And then there are times like now, where I miss it more than anything. I miss how it was. How we were. And all I want to do is cry. As I’ve stated before, I’m not going to lie about this process. I’m going to be completely honest, despite the ignorance I face of looking pathetic. I know I have my best friends and family. But sometimes you still feel alone. And he was always that person for me. No matter when, where, or how. He’d be there. I was okay. And now I’m not again. Now my heart aches and is confused that there was this spot so solidly filled and now it’s empty. I miss him a lot. I thought that we were perfect for each other. He thought that, too. But I guess shit happens. For the most part, the sad thing is is that I can’t picture us being together. Like, it’s been too long and too much time has gone by for me to look at the situation like I used to. That there could be a chance we could get back together. I don’t feel that anymore. But then there are times like this. Where all of me feels empty. An emptiness that he helped fill. But I guess getting out of a three year relationship is all about learning how to fill that emptiness yourself. A lot of things remind me of him. And I wonder if that happens to him at all – where something reminds him of me. This process has been both easier and harder than I could’ve ever expected. I wonder if it’s hard for him at all. I don’t know.

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