Jane’s Vagina:

So, just like any other typical Friday night, Jane and I were watching a Nicohlas Sparks movie. This week it was, of course, my favorite – The Notebook. It’s not only a tear jerker, but a clit jerker, because how could it not be with Ryan Gosling as the main character? Hello! But, it’s not like I mind staying home all the time, watching sad romance movies while this bitch cries into her large pepperoni pizza. No; I don’t mind at all. Even though we could be out, actually meeting guys and having our own romance story, no, she’d rather stay home and eat. And the bitch wonders why I’m getting fat. I’m getting a little too squishy… I need to start working out so I can be all bone again. The only extra skin a vagina should have is her clit. What do people not understand about this? Do guys not know the struggle?! The struggle is real. Do you want to fuck a fat vagina?! Some do maybe. But come on. No one considers how it feels to me: how it feels to be gaining weight. Vagina fat is not a myth, people! It’s very real and prevalent. I don’t know why she won’t get off her lazy ass and go find us a dick. Even if she shoves it down her throat at least it’s comforting knowing it’s not food. Oh god. Now she’s crying. And I can’t even get wet now watching Ryan Gosling… This bitch ruins everything. The last time we had sex was… Hm. Give me a minute. I think about 9 months ago. That’s an entire pregnancy. A pregnancy! What the fuck is that? He was nice, too. Of course it didn’t last because she found a reason to end it. I was shocked that he didn’t break up with us first, because I didn’t nearly have his dick in me as much as I should have. God bless him. And his penis. Well. Thanks for listening. I just needed to vent. I have to go and watch Dear John now. Wish me luck. And please, pray for me.
xxx,
Jane’s Vagina

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