This is Risky.

As I’ve stated before, I typically don’t have a problem putting myself and my life out into writing, whether that’s for my eyes only or the eyes of many. And anyone knows that when you have some kind of relationship, whether a friendship or romantic one, with someone who writes, then you’re destined to be mentioned in some way. Writers have to write what they’ve experienced. And what they’ve gone through. Right now, not going to lie, I am going through a bit of a tough time still. I thought it was getting better. But a few days ago it hit me again. I know it’s a process. A process that we all have to go through at some point in our lives, all to different extents and severities. When you look at the big picture, it seems more tolerable and like it’ll get better eventually. But then you focus on the little details. All the conversations and memories and all the stupid things you did trying to avoid this exact situation. When you focus on the actual process of being over it, or coming to terms with it would be more appropriate, it’s fucking hard and really sad. It seems impossible. And it’s like, yeah, it’ll be okay. But you’re not sure when. And that’s hard. And then when you try and put it in the back of your mind, it works, but only for so long. And then what happens when it comes back? When you can’t push it away any further? I’m not ashamed to say that my heart still hurts. I know as a girl I should lie and say ‘oh my god I’m so happy! #LovingLife #Blessed #LoveBeingSingle’ sorry. That’s not me. Trust me, I wish I could feel that way, or at least lie. But that’s dumb. And as girls we do it all the time. Why? To show guys that we’re so much happier and better off without them? Okay, I get that. Because guys seem to have an easier time with these situations (fuck off, guys), but I’m sure it’ll get better eventually to the point where you won’t have to lie. So why put it out on Facebook just to prove to people that you’re happy. Obviously you don’t want to post sad, depressing shit. Or pathetic shit. But then just don’t post anything. How about that. I’m an honest, forward person. I was doing well for a few weeks, and now I feel broken again. But since this is still somewhat new, especially after such a long time, it’s going to happen. There are going to be set backs. Lots of them. It’s not something you can just get over. And if that’s what he can do – get over it just like that, then he was never yours. I’m not like other girls, which has its perks and unique qualities, but also many flaws.
It’ll be okay though. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, or even next week. But it will be. We just have to be patient.

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