Body Image Post 1

I’ve had a lot of self confidence issues lately. Well, let me rephrase that; more than usual. I got my hair cut about a week ago and it’s too short. I had it shorter my senior year of high school, but I was a little skinnier then and it suited me. Anyway, I’ve been bummed because I’ve felt like: my hair is too short, I’m gaining weight, I’m ugly. Isn’t it funny that I see those as the most important things in my life? People are dying from cancer and I’m worried about a damn hair cut. I know I can’t beat myself up about it to that extent, because we all have our days, or weeks… Or years. But there is some truth to it. I felt bad for my boyfriend having to hear me talk about it. No guy wants to hear if a girl looks or feels fat. Chances are, and this is like a 99% chance, they don’t see ‘fat’ or cellulite or spider veins or stretch marks. They see boobs. They see ass. And, assuming not all guys are douche bags, they see a beautiful woman standing before them. I know I have the power to change how I feel. It’s hard, but more than do-able.
I remember one summer, like 4 years ago, I was worried because I had to wear a bathing suit in front of this guy that I liked. Now, I was skinnier then, and back then I thought I was fat! Can you believe that?! I wish I could go back and tell myself that I wasn’t fat. I was perfect. Anyway. I was so worried because he was this tall skinny, yet toned guy. I called my former teacher of whom is now like a mentor to me, and told her the situation. She said, “Colleen. He’s a guy. He’s not going to be thinking if you look fat or not in a bathing suit. He’ll probably be looking at your boobs.”
She was right. Later I came to find out that that was the least of my problems that summer. But, she was right nonetheless.
To a girl, being fat is the worst thing you can be. Personally, yes, there is some truth to that being a girl who grew up as a chubby kid and got made fun of. I don’t think I’ll ever weigh 90-105 pounds. My body and the way God intended it to be was just not made for that. I hope loving myself becomes easier. I seem to have on and off days with it. Whether someone is skinny or ‘fat’, they’re beautiful. And that’s something we should all remember.

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