The Vagina Chronicles: We’re All Just Bitter

Kail’s Vagina:

So, Kail and I have been dating Chris for about a week. Chris is super gorgeous and he has the body of an Ancient Greek god. So quiche. Anyway, Kail takes really good care of herself. She works out every morning, and she only drinks water, iced coffee from Starbucks, and the occasional sugar free Red bull with a straw. What can I say? She’s a white girl.
Eating a vagina is a very serious situation to most girls and their lady part. You need a man with a golden tongue – it’s just essential in today’s society. It’s just like needing a bachelors degree. It’s mandatory.
Since Kail is nice, and since she doesn’t seem to mind sucking a good dick now and then, she gave Chris head before he gave me head. I was pissed. Like, bitch, what the fuck were you thinking? Am I not important? You only need me for, oh, I don’t know, EVERYTHING. Anyway. Sorry.
Right when she stuck his dick in her mouth, I knew she thought it was a mistake. He couldn’t even trim his pubes for us. Is fucking chivalry really that fucking dead? Apparently so…
Okay, I need to stop acting all modest, because it’s not like we haven’t slept with Chris before. We have. The first night we met. Within the first hour. At a bar. In the bathroom. But it was a classy bar. In BoysTown. Shit. I hope he’s not gay.
But even though he was a little buzzed, his stamina and Moh’s hardness scale seemed to be working like a diamond. (That analogy is for all you smart Science people).
Sorry; I’m getting off topic.
Let me say this: girls a hypocrites. We want a guy to last long when he’s fucking us, but when it comes to sucking dick, we went them to cum in our mouthes already. After 10 minutes, you start to cramp up and your jaw starts to hurt. That shit is no joke.
So, after 13 exact minutes, Chris finally came in Kail’s mouth. She swallows because she’s a gem. And she’s too nice if you ask me.
But the moment his jizz hit the back of her tongue, it took everything in her not to gag and spit it out. It tasted salty, and bitter all in one. Sour and pungent. She had never tasted cum like that before. She’d been lucky in the past – decent tasting jizz. Well no jizz is decent tasting, but definitely more bearable than Chris’s. Out of all the dicks she’s sucked and all the cum she has swallowed, this is by far the most disgusting.
After the deed was done, Chris looked all relaxed and his face was glowing. Whereas Kail was just trying not to break a sweat from that 13 minute mouth labor job. Luckily, Chris got up, threw her down on the bed, spread her legs and went down! FINALLY! I was going to be licked! Thank God!
But then… Something happened. Not 50 seconds went by, and Chris stopped.
“Why are you stopping?” She asked, panting, because he was doing a really good job.
You wanna know what he said?
“I’m sorry Kail, I – I just can’t. You don’t taste good”

Um…. EXCUSE ME?!?!?!??!!! How am I supposed to taste? Like fucking cinnamon rolls and peaches? I am a fucking vagina. Bodily fluids come out of me! I’m not supposed to taste like a 5 star meal. And, for the record, many tongues have had the pleasure of licking me and my clit, and we’ve never gotten a complaint. In fact, this one guy did it for 30 minutes once because he liked me so much. I could not believe it. This guy’s jizz tasted like rotten eggs mixed with expired Yoplait low-fat yogurt, and he has the audacity to complain and give up? I don’t think so. Fucking asshole.

“Excuse me?” She said in shock. “What were you expecting it to taste like?”

“I don’t know… Good?”

“Just how many vaginas have you eaten, Chris?”

He paused. “Yours is the first.”

Wow. The first. Here’s a tip motherfucker, go eat out some gross bitch and then come back and complain. Fucking asshole.
What the fuck? Why do guys expect us to give them head and taste their potentially funky jizz, but they can’t even pretend to like going down on a vagina?
Well, you know what? He doesn’t deserve us. Any girl would’ve spit that cum right back in his face. But we took it like a champ. You know, I doubt he’d ever be able to get a bitch knocked up with that acidic corroded shit. It would dissolve before it got a chance to reach the egg. Antibodies or whatever the fuck is in our bodies would attack it before it dared to reach far enough.
Chris, you’re a dick.
I hope you die.
-XX; Kail’s Vagina.

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