Since it’s almost Christmas, my favorite holiday…beside’s mine and Vera’s birthday because that usually means birthday sex, I thought I’d share a little Christmas story. Except it actually happened and I’m still trying to get the smell of cigarettes and shame out of my pubes – (Don’t judge, it’s december. I get cold down there. Pubes are like sweaters for vaginas. So get off my clit). Vera and I went to a Christmas party last December. To be honest, I’m not exactly sure who’s party it was, considering Vera was drinking, and I’m usually not in the loop of anything because I’m too busy being in panties. I think it was her slutty friend’s cousin’s girlfriend. Not sure though, so don’t quote me on anything. Of course being a vagina, I had expectations for the night. Like getting pounded. So you could imagine my disapointment when after two hours of being there, the only thing that was wet was Vera’s underwear when she peed on herself from being so drunk. Have you ever been encased in underwear full of pee? It is not fun. And never did anything to deserve it. All I wanted for Christmas was a good fuck, and unfortunately instead of even getting coal, I got gold. And for those who are slow and don’t get my rhyming cutesy joke, the gold means pee in this situation. Thankfully one of our frenemies, Jen, was there. Her vagina is the biggest skank I have ever met. It gets waxed every single month. I know the upkeep of personal vagina care is extremely important, but come on, waxing every month on the dot just screams whore. It’s basically an invitation for dicks that says, ‘Enter me for smooth sailing’. Sorry, off subject. Getting back to the disaster of a party, after Jen helped clean us up, it was like a Christmas miracle struck upon us. This super hot sexy santa came into the room where Vera almost passed out at. And from there, it was magic. His tongue was great, and his penis was even better. I know I enjoyed it. And even though Vera was kind of passed out and this would’ve been considered rape, it was the best party fuck I had ever had.
Well, I gotta go and see if there’s an elf I can fuck or something for this year’s party.