I know what you’re thinking. How can this beautiful creature be attached to a bitch named Fern?! I know, I know. I get that all the time. Her personality matches her name. In case you don’t follow, the word is ugly. And I’ve recently just formed an alliance against her. That’s right. And I’m on strike. I don’t know who she thinks she is, but I’ll tell her: she’s a dumb bitch. She is supposed to love, cherish, and take care of me. Along with feeding me occasional dick. How could she betray our friendship like this? I just don’t understand. I gave her the best years of her life. I didn’t even start bleeding until she was 16! That bitch should be thanking me. And how does she repay me? By giving me an STD. I’m not totally sure what kind of STD it is. Since Fern has always been a loyal caretaker, I’ve never had this experience before. That’s what happens when you sleep with guys you work with. I told her not to do it, I told her she’d regret it, and she still didn’t listen. She totally faked her orgasm by the way, because there is no way in hell I was going to be able to get off from that fucking asshole. Aside from the humiliation of having an STD, she has to see her co-worker everyday for the rest of her employment. Ah, I can just feel the awkward-ness now.
Oh wait, that’s me. Did I mention I’m on fire!?
I have to go bathe in holy water now.
Talk to you never.
Fern’s burning bush.