My White Girl Mentality

I think everyone is beautiful in their own way…except for me. Why is that?! I deserve to feel beautiful, too.
Some days I’m like….okay I’m pretty I guess. And other days I want to stay in bed wearing a hoodie and shorts. I have very low self esteem. I have since I was younger. No, its not my moms fault. She always blames herself. She’s the best mother EVER! I don’t know…maybe because I was fat when I was younger. When I was 13 in 8th grade, I weighed 180lbs! My lowest weight was 138, the summer before my junior year of high school when I was 16. Even then I thought I was still fat. Looking back…I wasn’t fat then. But now since senior year I’ve gained some weight and do feel fat. See, I have a really fucked up mentality of what I need to do to consider myself beautiful. I honestly think girls of all shapes and sizes are beautiful…so why can’t I think I’m pretty? I wish sometimes that I weighed 90lbs. And I always say bones are beautiful. I know that’s not true. I know curves are better than bones. But to me, to Love myself, is hard. My boyfriend loves my body. And I’m so grateful for that. He thinks my body and me are beautiful. I always want to thank him for that. For being the first guy to do so. To Love and cherish me and my body. Especially when I can’t even do that. Is it because I’m a white girl? And society is fucked up? Why do I wish I weighed -12 pounds??? I’d be dead!! I’m working on loving myself. But its really hard:/ any girls with the same problem? Comments?

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